I know I haven’t been clear in what you are to me or what I’m going to do.
I know I wasn’t fair to you at all and i know that your heart is broken (still, I think?)
I know that I should have been there for you and I wasn’t.
All I can tell you in the meantime, is that you still have a special place in my heart and that I miss you and think of you often and smile.
So, miss me. And when you think of me, send light and love my way…and then drop it.
I’m sorry you’re hurt. So be mad at me. That’s okay. I’m mad at me too.
So after 3 days of wallowing (even though it’s felt like 2 weeks) I’ve decided to make a recovery list of ME things to do to keep busy and to make some realizations of what I like doing. A good friend of mine told me to embrace this alone time and that’s what i’m going to do. Do things I want to do and that I’ve missed doing.
3. Go on walks
4. Bake things
5. Exercise more than 2x a week
7. Watch ALL the things I’ve been meaning to watch and catch up on
8. See friends
9. Learn how to play the guitar???
10. Find new monologues
11. SHUT OFF MY PHONE FOR A WHOLE DAY
12. Skype with Ethan :)
13. Focus on my Human Anatomy class
“I should not have jumped out of that car - I should have fought for you. Because you fight for your soul mates”
-Cal Weaver (Crazy, Stupid, Love)
1. Separate, apart, or isolated from others
2. to the exclusion of all others or all else
3. Unequaled, unexcelled
4. Without aid or help
#1 was not not a choice but something that was brought upon by myself by unfortunate fate.
Didn’t I want this? Didn’t I need this? I guess this is just life’s way of testing me, challenging me; to see if I could really do it. I mean after all I don’t know how to be alone, by myself without a guy waiting.
I feel abandoned by everyone. I guess It’s partly my fault for all this. When I needed a friend most, he bails on me. My own best friend bails on me. Says he “needs to have space and not be friends or talk for awhile” why??? because he liked me too much and it hurt him knowing that I couldn’t do the relationship thing right away. I don’t know if I can trust him anymore… I don’t know what’s worse? feeling angry because he’s right or feeling angry because he couldn’t have the balls to tell me this to my face yesterday and instead ignore me for 13 hours and tell me over the phone! Not to mention my ex-bf shutting me out of his life now (which is normal) but It just had to fucking happen ALL AT ONCE. DIDN’T IT, LIFE?! This is why men and women can’t be friends.
Alone- my definition
Being by oneself by force, without the aid of others.
Is what I’m feeling.